I know right off people who read this may get upset or think that no one should talk about their mother like this. And there are others that won't be able to fathom that anyone could actually hate their mother. I've got news for you all, I do hate my mother and at the same time I love her but only because she is my mother and gave me life.
I've heard from friends in the past that they only wish they still had their mother's in their lives and ask me why can't I be grateful I atleast still have mine. To them I say, " maybe because you had a mother who was a loving, nurturing, caring mother to you..... I did not. Instead, I got a mother who never finished the 8th grade and who still has the mentality of an 8th grader. And now that I'm 40 I feel like I have a 3rd child that instead of aging and maturing like my other two children she is instead digresing and becoming more infantile.
She divorced my father when I was nearly 5 years old and my sister, mom and I moved into my grandmothers' house where my grandmother took care of my mom's every need. Can you say enabler?? My mother never had to do much for herself and since my grandmother passed away I've been stuck with "raising" my mom.
Of course, your now wondering who's the enabler, huh? Well I have my own agenda. I realized a long time ago that if I don't help my mother keep her head above water she will have to move into my house....and that is not happening! So I do everything possible to help her cope daily and get by financially just to keep her from moving in with us. And for those bleeding hearts......I can't in good conscience leave her to to her own devices because she would end up living in a box on the street in a very short amount of time. Afterall, she IS my mother.
So now that you have a taste of the background here's the latest and one of the many reasons I wanted to start a blog. I need to vent and I'm afraid that with all my pent up anger and resulting bitching that I might lose friends so I will vent to whomever wanders by my blog.
Sometimes I wonder to what level my mother will stoop in order to get someone to spend time with her. You will see what I mean as this "journal of madness" goes on.
Yesterday my husband (God Bless his patient soul!) dropped off 3 refilled oxygen tanks to my mother on his way to work. I guess I need to mention here that my mother was recently put on on full disability and is on oxygen 24/7. Before you get all "awwww, that's terrible!", know this....she is on oxygen because she refused to stop smoking over 5 years ago when she had a small stroke in her sleep, developed pneumonia and was in the hospital for breathing treatments. Now she's on a CPAP to help her sleep at night without stopped breathing and YET she STILL smokes even with the oxygen on! She is only 59 years old and she insists everyone take care of her like she's an invalid when she is far from it. In fact, we find her often without her oxygen on. But I digress....
My husband pulled up to find members from the church cleaning her little mobile home and taking out her trash while she walked around in her nightgown doing nothing. The woman cleaning for her tried to put a guilt trip on my poor husband telling him that after she cleaned for her she was going to visit her for an hour because she is lonesome. So it's not enough that we pay all her bills, deliver and pick up her oxygen tanks weekly, talk to her nurses, oxygen techs, insurance agencies and disability case workers all the while trying to work, take care of our own children, our animals and our home and everything that goes along with those people and things. My mother has never asked me to help her clean, not once. In fact, and I'm sure the church people don't know this, but my mom drives herself everywhere, does her own grocery shopping, carrying in her own groceries and she often goes to outings, lunches and events with all her friends, many of whom I don't even know! She is not alone like she has led them to believe and she definetly does not need anyone to help her clean her 8X10 trailer! She even lied about how much she's making from disability to the church Good Samaritans so that they might help her pay for her portable oxygen. When I confronted her about this and told her she was wrong, I got a "Oh well....too late to tell them different."
She disgusts me and everything she does drives me further and further away from her.
